17 of 365 Days – Reflections

Photographed by Gthewallflower

There were certain things I’ve heard about me and let them define me. As an introvert I’m easily judged for being too quiet. There were times I would pause and ask myself why?  “This isn’t who I am”

Crying is something you should do in the dark. “If someone see’s me weak, I’ll be forever perceived that way. Be tough.” -1924us

There were moments I was trying to be someone I wasn’t, in order to fit in and be understood by many. But throughout the process I’ve seen myself going back to my same old roots of being shy and timid, keeping myself distant from people old and new may it be a close friend or a loved one. I could easily shut myself down. I gain lots of energy afterwards. There would be times it would be hard to figure myself out. I guess that’s partly who I am. but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t get the jokes; that I’m not interested in your stories; that I have nothing to share; that I don’t get to think; that I was being too negative; nor have any opinions. ‘coz I do.

Sometimes being an INTROVERT scares me. When you have a lot of things in mind – Ideas, Emotions, Thoughts. But you simply run out of words. I was unable to express myself freely, scared of being misunderstood over and over; of being perceived in a wrong way.

I am not good with words. My vocabulary still lacks of polishing. But this blogging serves as a small voice coming from me. This isn’t just about me and the rest who were like me having the same sentiments but this serves as a little piece of me that I get to share with the rest of you all who reads this – about my inner most thoughts, feelings, ideas and experiences. Being too quiet isn’t a bad thing after all. Introvert’s like myself see’s it a lot easier to put the words in writing than voicing it out. I’m quite good at observing. If I happen to disturb you in a way that I say or ask a lot of stuffs through messages that only means that I am open to converse with you. Please don’t get easily annoyed. Maybe I just want to get to know you more; I’m just comfortable talking to you; or I just needed some company – someone whom I could talk to.

2016 at work has been a total mess. There’s just too much politics, gossiping going on that I dare not to be involved. But sometimes you’re being pushed to the limits by some whom you’ve thought you could trust but underneath those flesh were a totally different person who just back stab you, and got nothing else to do but gossip. You would be their prey and they would make themselves look like they were victims. They would drive you to complain a certain person and in the end they won’t even support you when you started to voice out the problem. They make you look so horrible, wherein the first place they’re the ones who started the fire. So that the rest could see only beauty on them. Striving to compete among themselves. Remember that a “Devil was once an Angel.” 

It came to a certain point that I’m getting affected by all these non-sense, almost in the midst of resigning – dragging myself each day to work. I’ve vented out my feelings and opinion on this but in the end I looked more like a bad person trying to explain or defend myself, than the hurt one. I am very patient in terms of taking it all in, but it’s too much negativity that should put to a STOP.

Almost 80% of my time was devoted to work. I am very workaholic. And if I allow these non-sense to keep on coming a big percentage of stress and pressure would rule over me and slowly ruin me in the long run. I kept reminding myself that I shouldn’t submit to it. That I’m here to work and not to please other people. Negativity, Anger and Hatred has no place in my life.

“How you treat others is a reflection of yourself. Treat others how you wanted to be treated.”

A friend once told me that we should keep and be friends or surround myself with Positive people. Positiveness attracts good vibes. As a conclusion I learned to be calm, I stayed and keep my work and focus on myself and my long term goal – to save up more. And persuade myself to learn more and grow.

2017 would be another year meaning another chance for us to change. To be a better version of ourselves.

In terms of…

Health – To exercise. Drink lots of water and hydrate. To eat proper meals. To be fit and lesser sickness. Engage myself into sports – Wall Climbing, Running, learn to swim, bike and skateboarding.

Appearance – Moisturize; go to the dentist.

Habits – No to Sleep Deprivation; Lateness and Procrastination.

Art – To draw each day and bring back that passion within me dying to get out, execute those wonderful ideas into reality. To keep and build a portfolio. To finish the children’s book I’ve started. Here’s to finding and focusing on my real passion – Art.

Spiritual – To go to church more often than the usual; to pray more; to repent on the things I’ve done wrong in the past.

Mental – To staying positive and see beauty in everything.

Emotional – Remain Patient, Calm and Positive. Take out all those Negative vibes. To Mature and bid goodbye to my deeper child.

Social – To Travel more, visit and discover other places I’ve never been to; meet locals and foreigners; learn or try new things; eat and document the whole experience. To more Sea and Mountain Adventures.

Future – Save up more; learn to budget; venture on a small business and buy myself my own house.

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The road to success always starts from within. It is not easy to navigate but with hard work, drive, focus and passion, it’s possible to achieve the dream. Don’t allow fear limit you and your vision; instead transform that to “Freedom”- Believing in your talent, abilities and self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path.

Being quiet didn’t change me, it allowed me to be myself.

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